one by one

ladies and gentlemen,


 i am now pursuing my studies to the master degree. and yeah, its not even on my life goals list. God given me a very great mom, who wished to have daughters with an at least- master degree qualification. ( maybe because mom knows PhD is expensive)(master is expensive too actually)(very) i keep blaming my mom for everything.( no study mood)(weak assignments)(no good presentation)(i don't put any strength on it).

i hate when people keep saying " wahh.. nak jadi lecturer!' (like what) people think, master degree is just for those lecturers.( FYI, to be a lecturer, you need to have at least PhD.) mother wants it because mother sees opportunities better than me. and i could not find study is fun any longer. i have no friends, no one to talk to. and i get jealous when all friends are already get their job.

i keep complaining everyday. i broke mom's heart. i play reserve. i don't want to meet peoples. i hate my friends, they changed. i hate him. and his all times non-supportive comments. i lost my appetite, i don't do shopping. i went for part time jobs, but i'm losing time for nothing. i get angry easily. i hate myself, i hate even living. i wrote a suicide note, and i killed every memories.

i resigned. and in all my free time, i met him for one more time.  and i realized..

• selfish friends, will forever selfish. they categorized people. they choose their new friends. and I do not need any selfish friend here. 
• i have done nothing to make my mom so proud and so happy. just maybe, mom does have her life goals too. and i bother to create a happy face on her tired face.
• master wasn't that bad, it is so much helping. i have become so much knowledgeable, and sisters and brothers share their skills with me. and they keep praising my effort to study in young age. ( young, huh?)(shut up, i just love it!)

and i decided to stand. face the world. be brave. so what if i still studying? and so what if they are now working? they don't even ask hows life that i'm having. how painful that i'm surviving? how pitiful that i'm doing? one by one, lil girl.one by one. 

and hundred of thanks to

• a friend who turn deaf now, because keep lends me her ears
• a friend who turn antisocial now, because keep lends me a heart 
• a friend who become phone obsessed, because keep lends me her time

and i'm so sorry, for leaving you. i am in progress of making my mom and dad happy. and you seems couldn't understand it.

GROWN

Ladies and Gentlemen

its being time i dont really write. Sorry. halah, lagipun no one is being a kudos pun on reading my entry. yetak? hahaha.

life has changed a lot. people are now connects only by using whatsapp, feeling are expressed using status and tweet.

i am growing old.

GROW?
nowadays, we heard a lot of people saying they have grown and (most annoying) puberty hits. by applying a great make up on face and wearing nice dress and skirts, humans are leveled as grown and matured. really? (really, really??) (annoying voices)

where what most important is actually, we should be more independent and versatile, stop judging and be moderate in everything we do. control anger and be cool. accept ourselves and others deficiency. ITU baru nama dia Grown. what happens in the world now, (still) everyone is wanting so much to be HIPSTER. (me too, i guess) ( i am a human, kehkeh)

peoples, fashion has nothing used to measure how matured a person has been. it's a choice. you wear what you want and be whatever you people want other to look at you. hipster and unhipster and non-such thing represent how matured people is.

make up. grown up peeps. make ups are made to make you feel beautiful. apply if you want. ( if you dont want to wear make up, it's fine.. but dont get angry if people judge you based on what you look)(again, judging..) ( and again saying they've grown up)(annoying voices) there are persons who manage to buy expensive make ups. but there are people who apply cheap make up. sometimes, its not about value. its about the make up itself (look great on her) (good result on her) ( great chemicals for her skin) i mean, why you are judging on what they are applying? (and again saying ' Grown up,girl!!)( hehh?) (long annoying voices) are money value shows your mature level? ( i mean, really?) taking selfies and said this is what happen when puberty hits you (REALLY?) (using make up?)(puberty)(really?)

and for those who dont apply any. be smart. maybe you're fine on not wearing, and its god for you but dont judge people on how they look..(so you really think it's cool for not wearing any? )(judging, huh?)  accept others. they are on what they want. we still applying democracies, aren't we?

we hits our own target, we achieve our own goals. and we still having last-time revenge? while everyone is having their life to live,  you still carrying school-time revenge? and again saying you're grown up?

people. you grown bigger, grown taller, grown older. but if you carrying the same person from what you have been 10 years ago. you're do not grown any mature. recheck what you've said. dont mix them up. be cool, have everything one by one. show respect to others, and respect yourself too. be kind realistically.smile on stupid egoistic person. be clever. be beautiful in any way you want. accept peoples. Be strong. a Grown-up girl.



i might just be Peter Pan, then.