life goals?

i am not very sure how every people set their life goals. mine, i have some goals that i really want to achieve, i set it up masa zaman2 sekolah lagi. entah, i cannot remember when it is, since masa sekolah i am never thought that i can be a person, you know: person.

i am really lazy, like godammit lazy. but i always wanted to be the high ranked girl in my class. since my class wasnt that big, i divided our number to two, and always put effort to be always in the first-half-ranked. you know, like if you have 40 peeps, you're the top 20. okaylah.. dah namanya malas, what do you expect. and alhamdulillah, i make it top 10, usually. even pemalas mati.

so i come out wanna be a a great person, i really pray hard to God. asking, am i have chances to have these?

1. go for university.

nama dia malas kan.. i never done my homework. ok i lied. i did, only Bahasa Melayu and Maths. Bm because i like the teacher most. she's kind, and motivated. Maths, because.. usually the homework is once a month. but a lot. like very a lot..but you know, im good on skipping questions.. hahahaha

and alhamdulillah, i graduated my Degree in Mechanical Engineering a year before and now pursuing my Master Degree also in Engineering. ( although i am not really interested on furthering my studies). and thanks god once again, i am in my final semester of my master degree..and studying has been the most worth on teaching me to live. from a very lazy person, to what level am i now( i mean for having this opportunities, alhamdulillah) ( but still a lazy person), i think, this goals has achieved :D

2. be me.

i always go for being fake. nah, bukan memang fake okay. tapi i always tried to put people on the safe sides by saying untrue things. like" Takpe, bolehla..eh tak..". an sometimes, i feel uneasy to have different taste from others. I love Siti like really.. but most of school friends said dia nyanyi tak sedap. so, to be in a group.. i have to hate whatever i likes too. banyak bendalah, like food, tv programme dlll. degree life have taught me to be myself. Lucky me, of having sweet friends like Saujana. <3 p="">

they always teach me on how to express feeling. how to really speak loud. how to really makes people cry softly. and how to kill 'em with kindness. entah, bunyik macam jahat pulak kan. tapi i feel very me. i can go anywhere, wear anything, eat every restaurant that looks delicious. i can laugh very loud and smile very broad. i am being me. paling celaks, saujana tought me of cakap lepas and deep sarcasm hahahahahahaha


3. travel with friends

as my dad is as strict as a policeman, ( well, he is actually) i do not have spent my time with friends more like people always be. i usually meet them outside, and be back before magrib. lagi pula kalau nak travel jejauh with friends mmg takkklahhhh my dad bagi visa gitu je yetak.

but alhamdulillah, i have opportunity to go Singapore, Turkey, Malaysia Peninsular, yakni tempat2 best melepak di semenanjung malaysia seperti waterpark and some food hunting. i have bundle of list of negara nak travel wth friends, but i know our limits now.. since ramai yang dah berkerjaya and ready up for rumah tangga. wow, unbelievable. ayatku acah2 dewasa gituuu.

4. writting a book.

well...............yah, this sounds ridiculous. since i dont have any talent of writting. and for serious, i dont own any followrs. yang sanggup turun padang golek lecak, park 3km jauh.. just  to buy my book. so you know, this is amazingly ridiculous..

however, as i noticed that i am quite talented to be the best listener and motivator that my friends could have. ( i dont care, i on basket by myself..) (you know.) ( they have to say it, no choice) and i can write poems, although mostly in a sad genre.. i am now pursuing to write a simple books, to share my motivations. i mean all of us are sometimes having crisis, moody, PMS, down, feel lost confidence etc etc.. so maybe by mistakes, my book is helping. now, i am working on the book.. but biasalah, it takes a llllllllllllooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggggggg journey. i bet you know me.

5. business

i really wanted to have my own business, but usually i get very kind on giving free items to clients pulak dahh.. macam mana nak untung. furthermore, i should enhance my business skills ni dgn education kot. sbb i mcm quite not enough information regarding business tips and tricks.

i am know having part time jobs, on training business. ( which actually i like the most) and i did sme small business with family too. yeap papa have his own small business, but i want to find my way myself. so, kenalah banyak belajar....

6. property before marriage

ini berbeza sikit mengikut pendapat masing2. me myself, i offer myself to find and have my own property before settle down with marriage. i ni dibesarkan dalam keluarga yang tahap insecurity nya tinggi. so.. i sentiasa akan nak ada plan B, C,D,E,F dan sebagainya. sebab tu laa, i nak kumpul property dulu before married. tapi until now, sekoq property pun i xdek. mungkin i need to struggle after  have finished my master degree laa kot.. hahaha :D


so these are my top 6 life goals konon2  set up masa sekolah. why did i buat ni semua, is just to set my Key Perfomance on living my own life. you know, adult people thinks a lot. idk whether all my goals will be achieved, or not. or maybe some are not. some is. i dont know. but part of me will be working on it, a part of it i lets it be in Allah's plan. because, i know His' is always the best. 

freelance doctor love

ladies and gentlemen


today is 14th July, and its going to be 3 months i have passed my job. hurrayyy ( read: no money, cries all days). but i learned from the no money living is to always be grateful on any food that i have. lucky last month was ramadhan and i can cut most of my budgets.


so
there's always orang yang akan tanya
'tak bosan ke berhenti kerja?'

and i answered with a big NO. sambil nynyi lagu Megan Trainer sambil wiggle wiggle.
i get busy with my project research and most of my time i lost my confidence. but hell yeah, i am Hamizah Itu Kuat by the way.

yeah, i ended my second semester of my Master life. one more step to last my journey here, Alhamdulillah. ( really grats to you Allah), so sambil pandang ke syiling and calculating numbers of biri-biri lompat pagar.. i figured out that Time is NO FRIEND to any man. i could not have this precious waktu tidur and makan murah ( even it's not) after i finished study, as i'm not planning to further my PhD (yet).. i will try best to find a job. so lepasni, i'll get busy and no longer have this kind of masa terluang.


so, i decided to enjoy living without money, and now i am upgrading to be a 'FREELANCE DOCTOR LOVE'. biasalah, most of adults nowadays, dah dapat kerja.. terus nak mendekati alam rumah tangga. hmm.. so i terpaksalah menjadi dokter love mereka nihaaa.. yang tak habis belajar lagi pun, ada jugak yang memerlukan khidmat pesanan ringkas tapi acah deep and memorable aku ini. wow, adakah ini satu bakat? if it's yes, at last i have one! hahahahahaha evil laugh ROFL.

so, if any of you out there, (fefeling ade anonymous reader) yang wanna share your love problems, you're welcome to write to me to mm.the.melody@gmail.com. i'll try my best to fit you, and yeah.... it's free!




lots of love,

DR me  :)

5 years to-go

22/3/2016: i write this.
22/3/2021: i'll read it again and compare


....it's been time i have been a lecturer. this end of year, i will go for Aussie to further my PhD. 4 years on being a lecturer, is actually a very tough routine. life must go on. dont ask about engineer career, never! it breaks even deeper than before.

i live with mom and dad, as a non-married lady, i prefer to stay with them. we live happily in my own house. yeah!a bigger house.. and can said that most of my pocket money are invested towards the house. the big house are always in silent, until somedays kakak and dakha bring their children here.


kakak married to a man, son of papa's friend. kakak doesnt like him at first. but now they live happily. that what people said Tuah Ayam nampak di kaki, tuah manusia siapa yang tahu. They have 2 children. a boy and an annoying princess. yeah, she's annoying. i hate her the most. hahaha

dakha married to her best friend, they live happily with 3 kids. All boys. looks very alike. ebi love play with them. sometimes, ebi bring them watching movies, they call him "Uncle Ebi". ebi is now still studying his degree in engineering. we dont really know that he is actually quite good.

soya.. a best buddies, she's getting busy nowadays. she's just deliver a new baby. the 3rd. She married after she finished her degree. tak sangka, a friend who she admire a lot, does love her a lot too.  they're unique. soya looks better now. zero worry and no longer serabut. she's a teacher. she's teaching in a polytechnic. all her dream come true. we dont really dating now. she's staying outside melaka, and if dia balik kampung pun.. we dont really meet each other. i mean, she does having another commitment too. and we cant expect life will be as simpler as we're studying.


saujanas, syila marrying her boyfriend, almost three years this month. not yet have kids, they tried a lot. takpelah, maybe it's not the time yet. harap syila can be sabar sedikit. bella married to mus last year. kahwin jugak dorang tuh. she's waited him so long kot. and now they living in Japan since Mus has his commitment there. betu2 jepun dah minah bella tu sekarang. Nora, last time i met her, it was Hari Raya. she's now are no more like before, she become talkative and happy.. she married to her classmate. aku dah agak dah.. budak ni layan dia extra sangat.. aku dah agak dah..mommy now have one child. lelaki.. very cute. very takative. very annoying sama macam mamy. baby? she;s still single.. tulah kau biij, memilih sangat nak muka acah acah rangga.. akhirnya serangga pun takde nak melekat kat kau bijj kahkahkahkah.. haziqah is the first one getting married among us. she's having two kids now. both are girls. so sweet. last time i met her, is on her wedding day, selainnya aku usha dalam insta je. andd insta is still up now taw. masih lagi digunakan sebagai alat mengapelod gambau2 lagakan manusia.. hahaha. masyi is not yet marry, but will be mrrying her boyfriend end of this year. apalah, aku nak pergi aussie kau sebok nak kawen.. pleaselah cepatkan untuk aku.. cannah? haha



i have lost-contact to most of my friend. kalau ade pun, yang masih layan twitter. sometimes aku rasa bosan gak sorang.. tapi sometimes, aku rasa semak pulak beramai.. papa plan so many weddings for me, but i objected all of them. i happy to be alone, for now or for at least another 5 years. maybe

an actress

ladies and gentlemen,

it's March! woot woot~ basically, I've been celebrating my granpa birthday... Happy Birthday to the most gentle and loving man. I pray everything for you.

and

it's my 4th month of working here. Working in an investment company, which is cannot be easy as ever. and it's time for second semester too!! yuhhuu~~ (lepaks everyday)(lepastu marah sebab miskin)(lepastu lepak lagi..)(but i see connections thru us, alhamdulillah)(susah kot, aku nak mengekalkan momentum ini... hahah, whattatooya?)


so

as many peoples been asking..yeah, i work and i study. i do both. why? well of course, my explanation is soooo long and until you find my entry wasn't that interesting sudaaahhh.. hahaha lagipun, its about three quarter of my classmates are working too. many of them are of course engineers. some are lecturers, some are managers, and truly said, some own their own company. wau!

i am just a little management trainee in a huge building, working for a very nice and beautiful GM. doing investment is something hard for me, i dont really know basics. i go for study but i dont really grab it good. but well, my boss helps me a lot.

after 5, i killed the traffic, run away to go for my class which is exactly 20km apart from office. hmm, looks near dont ya? but well, traffic wasted all the time..20km, i'll be there to class at 6:30pm. andd hurray, i have to turn my brain to adapt engineering subject baack!

sometimes, something up in office, so i go to class with a swing moods. sometimes, i get praises, and i go class with a beautiful smile face. sometimes, i am so hungry like cannot wait for the class end, sometimes i really sleepy, and you can see me BERtasbih di dalam kelas. ( play mobile phone). worst case, migraine, em.. well.. i try attend the class fiirst, until i find myself sleeping in surau or on my bed.. kahkah

to turn my brain for adapting two different things, is of course a big problem. but sometimes, i do neglect both. haha. but, deep.. i know i love engineering even more. not saying investment is boring, but you know.. people have their own abilities,kan...

so.. am I a part time worker or a part time student? Both are wrong, because both are part times for me. I am on my full time in living my own life..

im taking this two careers as a character, wearing office suits and make up from the morning, and turnn to be a very messy teenage students after five! what a 180 character i'm having..

happiness, believe me.. when you're doing what you want and what you believe you can, you definitely will feel more energized and functioned. and with all the hearts, you will feel happiness. well, i called satisfaction as happiness.

yes, i lost most of my time, no time for movies and lepaks until late night, because i really need to sleep early, but i know.. Allah knows what the best for me. aku tengok marathon masa weekend! hahaha :D


and folks, one ques.. will you please dont ask me

" Penat tak?"

because i dont have the answer.

one by one

ladies and gentlemen,


 i am now pursuing my studies to the master degree. and yeah, its not even on my life goals list. God given me a very great mom, who wished to have daughters with an at least- master degree qualification. ( maybe because mom knows PhD is expensive)(master is expensive too actually)(very) i keep blaming my mom for everything.( no study mood)(weak assignments)(no good presentation)(i don't put any strength on it).

i hate when people keep saying " wahh.. nak jadi lecturer!' (like what) people think, master degree is just for those lecturers.( FYI, to be a lecturer, you need to have at least PhD.) mother wants it because mother sees opportunities better than me. and i could not find study is fun any longer. i have no friends, no one to talk to. and i get jealous when all friends are already get their job.

i keep complaining everyday. i broke mom's heart. i play reserve. i don't want to meet peoples. i hate my friends, they changed. i hate him. and his all times non-supportive comments. i lost my appetite, i don't do shopping. i went for part time jobs, but i'm losing time for nothing. i get angry easily. i hate myself, i hate even living. i wrote a suicide note, and i killed every memories.

i resigned. and in all my free time, i met him for one more time.  and i realized..

• selfish friends, will forever selfish. they categorized people. they choose their new friends. and I do not need any selfish friend here. 
• i have done nothing to make my mom so proud and so happy. just maybe, mom does have her life goals too. and i bother to create a happy face on her tired face.
• master wasn't that bad, it is so much helping. i have become so much knowledgeable, and sisters and brothers share their skills with me. and they keep praising my effort to study in young age. ( young, huh?)(shut up, i just love it!)

and i decided to stand. face the world. be brave. so what if i still studying? and so what if they are now working? they don't even ask hows life that i'm having. how painful that i'm surviving? how pitiful that i'm doing? one by one, lil girl.one by one. 

and hundred of thanks to

• a friend who turn deaf now, because keep lends me her ears
• a friend who turn antisocial now, because keep lends me a heart 
• a friend who become phone obsessed, because keep lends me her time

and i'm so sorry, for leaving you. i am in progress of making my mom and dad happy. and you seems couldn't understand it.

GROWN

Ladies and Gentlemen

its being time i dont really write. Sorry. halah, lagipun no one is being a kudos pun on reading my entry. yetak? hahaha.

life has changed a lot. people are now connects only by using whatsapp, feeling are expressed using status and tweet.

i am growing old.

GROW?
nowadays, we heard a lot of people saying they have grown and (most annoying) puberty hits. by applying a great make up on face and wearing nice dress and skirts, humans are leveled as grown and matured. really? (really, really??) (annoying voices)

where what most important is actually, we should be more independent and versatile, stop judging and be moderate in everything we do. control anger and be cool. accept ourselves and others deficiency. ITU baru nama dia Grown. what happens in the world now, (still) everyone is wanting so much to be HIPSTER. (me too, i guess) ( i am a human, kehkeh)

peoples, fashion has nothing used to measure how matured a person has been. it's a choice. you wear what you want and be whatever you people want other to look at you. hipster and unhipster and non-such thing represent how matured people is.

make up. grown up peeps. make ups are made to make you feel beautiful. apply if you want. ( if you dont want to wear make up, it's fine.. but dont get angry if people judge you based on what you look)(again, judging..) ( and again saying they've grown up)(annoying voices) there are persons who manage to buy expensive make ups. but there are people who apply cheap make up. sometimes, its not about value. its about the make up itself (look great on her) (good result on her) ( great chemicals for her skin) i mean, why you are judging on what they are applying? (and again saying ' Grown up,girl!!)( hehh?) (long annoying voices) are money value shows your mature level? ( i mean, really?) taking selfies and said this is what happen when puberty hits you (REALLY?) (using make up?)(puberty)(really?)

and for those who dont apply any. be smart. maybe you're fine on not wearing, and its god for you but dont judge people on how they look..(so you really think it's cool for not wearing any? )(judging, huh?)  accept others. they are on what they want. we still applying democracies, aren't we?

we hits our own target, we achieve our own goals. and we still having last-time revenge? while everyone is having their life to live,  you still carrying school-time revenge? and again saying you're grown up?

people. you grown bigger, grown taller, grown older. but if you carrying the same person from what you have been 10 years ago. you're do not grown any mature. recheck what you've said. dont mix them up. be cool, have everything one by one. show respect to others, and respect yourself too. be kind realistically.smile on stupid egoistic person. be clever. be beautiful in any way you want. accept peoples. Be strong. a Grown-up girl.



i might just be Peter Pan, then.