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bila diri ini diketepikan. bila rasa ini doherdikan, bila jiwa ini dipermainkan.

aku ada cerita. cerita jauh, besar dan lumpuh. ia bercerita tentang hidupku.

ia terlalu rahsia, ia terlalu gundah. ia tiada tempat beralah.

mereka kata aku perlu luahkan, dan pada siapa aku harus luahkan?

pada mereka yang akan menghukum aku, atau menghukum peristiwa itu..
atau menghukum mereka di dalam cerita itu?

atau aku perlu ceritakan pada kamu?

yang bisu.
yang pekak bisu
yang jelas pekak dan bisu.

mereka kata mereka akan berkongsi bahu?


lalu pada siapa perlu aku titskan air mata.. pada siapa aku sandarkan kepala
pada siapa aku perlu luah rasa kecewa.

mungkin pada mereka. pada mereka yang kononya akak membentang selebar bahu
mendengar cerita ku
\menangisi rasa, sperti menangisi hatiku..
apa mereka begitu?
apa mereka kesah tentangku?

tidak. ia bukan realiti. ia mamahan sudut fantasi

atau aku perlu sandarkan kepalaku kebahumu?

yang meninggalkan ku
yang jelas meninggalkanku
yang jelas pergi meninggalkanku.

ya rabbul izzati..
aku tahu ini ujian darimu. ya..aku tahu

dan aku telah redha untuk mencari
ubat penyembuh duka,
pil perancang bahagia..
dadah pengubat kecewa.

sakit kepala

 assalamualaikum. hey there everyone

sejak akhir akhir ni aku asyik diserang sakit kpala yang berat dan sehingga mengganggu prestasi kehidupan. pada mulanya aku ingat kerana terlalu stress belajar. tapi kini aku rasa runsing bila ia masih berlarutan hari ke hari.

bukan lah nak poyo siapa tulis entry dekat blog, tapi kesakitan yang dihadapi sangat lah diluar jangkaan, lebih dari sakit migraine yang biasa.  aku pun berusaha menjadi dokter sendiri.. dengan beranggapan ini adalah akibat daripada pemakanan aku yang bercampur baur.. tapi dah berjuta juta kali aku buat pemeriksaan darah.. segalanyaa masih dalam kawalan. nak kata darah aku tinggi.. nah, darah aku boleh dikatakan jauh dari paras normal. nak cakap tak normal tu tak masuk akal. tapi kurang lah, means OK lah kan..

nak kata aku tak cukup tidur atau kurang rehat.. yeahh.. mungkin juga.. tapi benda ni dah selalu.. suppose dia dah immune . sebab kalau tak, susahlah aku nanti.. sebab schedule makin lama semakin busy. uweekkss =.=

so friends, kalau korang ade ape ape perkongsian tentang permasalahan aku ini. silalah rujuk aku. bahahahaha

mom..

to be a mom, or mother is really not a simple job. you are seriously will gonna mess up with kiddo whom we all know that they are born to be so naughty and annoying. there are no such thing to have children without raising them up. unless, your kids are adopted, or maybe you leave your kids to the ancestors. ( err.. i mean, something like you're asking your parents or maybe sisters to look after your  children while they are babies..)

some of them are too excited for the marriage just because he/she do loves the beloved so much, not even or never thinking what is the commitment of having a serious relationship. some sort, loving means a thing, when it comes with wealth.. as we can see, there are so many couples out there in love.. they love each other, the care about each others. but well, if the boy ask the girl to marry him.. are you really think that the girl really wanna be a mom to the kids? some of them are just to excited to be only with the boys!

wives and mothers responsibilities are not even the same, although it might seems alike. for the sake of husbands, wives have to manage everything for them. manage the foods to eat, manage the house arrangements and etc etc etc. its same goes to the kids, care about them, cook for them, play with them, teach them..

but well, how far you can go on comparing husband and kids? husband is someone you love, an adult and you can ask what he wants and donts, as simple as you do what he wants, and he thanks you.. he will appreciate you and loves you more. thats what an adult should do. 

 but for kids, they are coming to the age of exploring.. everyday they will doing something new, and when exploring, they will do something that makes your work doubled.

lets make an example,  where one day, your little boy wants to explore everything at the house garden. ok, he then try to recognize the flowers, pots and etc. then, by mistake, he fell down at the dirty wet ground. his clothes was seriously wet, dirty and full of dirt. when he fell, he do breaks the pots, soils of some flowers fluttered all the way. now can you see how kid could doubled your jobs?


that is why to be a wife and mom, a girl should be ready by heart. they not only have to think about other peoples feeling.. but they have to ready by physically, emotionally and they have to be ready by heart. they have to know, that they gonna have the cute lil babies , who will grow to be kids.. then teenages, before going to the age of adult.

sometimes, there are mothers.. who try hard to befriend with their children..sometimes, they want to treat the children like friends. at first, i was thought that was a good idea. but well, after some examples that i manage to watch them in front of my eyes. i agree that i have to put a second thought of it. making promises with 3-4 years old kids means nonsense. ask them to be quiet and try to understand their business is also nonsense. telling the kids about adult problem is really not making sense. what will happen, is usually the kids gonna break the rules, gonna break their promises.. and you get very angry and some of you will tend to scold them in front of others.. and tell me, scolding in front of peoples is the way you want your friends to treat you? i guess you dont.

so after all, i guess.. to be a friend to the children, a mom should know what the best time to start the propose. teenage life is the one, i guess the best time after all.

my mom and me, we dont really have the 'best friend' relationship, but  understanding and giving opinions are the way she been doing to get close to me. she try hard, really hard to manage a growing children.. try so badly to get through the new era. i am very lucky to have her in my life. lucky to have a modern mom, who understand technologies and loves shopping.  who can woke up early in the morning.. mom is very busy, she couldnt make a sandwich in every morning.. because she knows, sandwiches is not her children priorities.

thanks Allah for my mom.

but what i want to share right here... not every women in the world is born to be a mom. some are connected to health problems. some are too nasty of knowing about kids.

i am the one who believe that not all people in this world are born to be a mom. but once they get to be a mom, they are trying so hard to be the best one. a big applause for them.